Just a regular guy

You know these last few days between posts has given me  time to think. Being a regular guy is hard.
I started this blog for two reasons last month.  One was to help other people who are dealing with some of their own scars from the war of love and of courser to help myself  since I'm also a soldier of love.

I've  had my heart broken  more than a few times and after all of it's over I wonder if I even should have tried.  An open rebuke is better than hidden love I read in proverbs 27:5.  In other words I'm a better man for trying than to have kept my feelings completely to myself.   But the pains of love linger long after the moment is over.  One friend I had thought was close to me  quickly dismissed me after I had told her how I was feeling.  She totally stopped talking to me and calling.  Avoiding me just about every chance she could get.  Have not spoken to this supposed friend in almost four years.   Some friend huh?


Don't know about you but I can get pretty self reflective when crap like this happens.  Its almost like the pain that came out of the dismissal or breakup is reason enough not to try anyway.  But yet I still do.  The more I decide to make  my resolve stronger than my reluctance the stronger I become.  And with every battle I come closer to winning this war. 
Soldier on heroes.

Talk That Talk

Okay  so lets talk about one of the biggest stumbling blocks  slash stepping stones in relationships. Communication.  People come to me and talk about how  the person in their life does not talk to them anymore and as a result their relationship has broken down.   Which is a major problem.

Anything that causes a relationship to crumble will  cause it to inevitable break down completely.


What were you thinking when you first met your girlfriend?  Did you think she was hot? Did you wonder what part of town she was coming from?  You obviously  came to a point where you had to talk to her and let her know what was on your mind.  Because  if you never said a word to her she probably would never have become your girlfriend in the first place.

You need to continue to talk to her if you want to have a better relationship.

Whatever your initial thoughts on her were you had to step over that line and you have to do that again. If she hurts you talk to her and let her know that you two have a problem.  If she does something good for you you still have to let her know.   Whenever you keep that line of  communication open you increase the odds of a stronger bond.  

One young woman I dated had a funny way of getting her point across. She'd  pick and chose her conversations with me.  I would come at her with any topic but she'd either respond with one word answers. When she felt like it she'd come at me with a barrage of issues and such that sometimes hit me like a brick. 

My ex would build up things that I didn't even know mattered to her.  IF she had been more forward maybe the relationship would have blossomed into something  more. But you have to build bridges  and not walls.

Dream girls vs. Reality

One of the best things in life is finding that perfect match. The right temperature in the shower or a cup of coffee. The window seat. When you are looking for that special someone you're looking for  a perfect glove to fit that hand of yours. I thought I found my dream girl,  I needed to wake up, nobody is perfect as I soon found out.
 She was  a very beautiful woman,you'd be a fool to turn her down for dinner.  Almost always sporting a pair of hipster glasses.  Very much  a black Tina Fey look.  I was sold.  I love Tina Fey.
We had the same close knit circle of friends so running into her was inevitable.  So when  I did get around to meeting this girl, lets call her Shelly,  I was head over heals.
It was late summer  and I was attending a friend's  party. It was mid day and warm so mostly everyone was sticking inside.  I and my buddy  decided to brave the heat  on the deck.  We were out there just talking crap when suddenly Shelly  came out of the house.  Some of the sodas were out on the deck  and she had a hankering for some of it.
My buddy looks at me and gives me that look to go for the jugular.  Seeing where she was headed and not wanting to miss an opportunity  I intercepted the bottle  and offered to pour some for her.  As soon as I say this she recoils, "No I have it, thanks."
 I'm sure she's thinking, "I'm an independent modern woman   I don't need help pouring cotton pickin soda. Back off!"
    I  decide to let her be and go back to my seat, she didn't want my help and I wasn't about to force it.  So I head back to my seat. As soon as I  take my seat she calls me back. "You know what I  actually could use a little help." 
When you're head over heals for someone who looks,talks and carries herself  as the woman of your dreams you tend to not notice red flags.  I poured her the soda and our friendship seemed to take off from there.  Or so I thought.  I  found myself doing things to gain her respect for me.  I found myself losing less respect for myself so  that I could be in her good graces.  I mistakenly thought  this was  you know actually leading somewhere?  After months of investing in our friendship I had decided it was time to stop the games and get serious. Of course  she wouldn't have it.   After all that time this perfect woman was lacking that one element that would make her perfect.  Love for me.
 Oh sure we were friends I guess.  But how would you define that friendship?  Do you want to be on the friendship cruise if it's sinking?  When that woman of your dreams walks  into your life set her against reality.  See  how much she cares for you in the long run and if you are doing stuff for her and not getting much out of it.

Heartbreaks

This country has a growing epidemic of singleness and bad relationships.  Couples are ending practically before they get off the ground. Hearts are being broken needlessly and time  is being spent with the wrong people.  I am not a matchmaker or Mr. Perfect.  But I have  seen some incredible highs and lows and I want to help you with what I know.   I'm just 29 years old but my friends have told me that I give some pretty darn good advice over the years.  Lets talk.